Last of the first 4 rounds.

This is Adam - finally today we had the last round of the "AC" drugs.  These are rough drugs that have really knocked out Kristy for a week - this is the last time, then in 2 weeks we move to a weekly drug that makes one more tired instead of nauseous.

As her husband it is so strange - Kristy is up and active and then we get the chemo drugs ...about 1 to 2 hours later Kristy just starts to fade.  I was in sorting some clothes tonight and Kristy wandered in to try to help.  She was standing, then she was sitting on a bean bag, then she was horizontal and then starting to doze all in a 5 minute span at about 5 pm.

She had acupuncture yesterday and they switched one of the nausea drugs so I am very hopeful she will feel better than the last 3 rounds.

At this Thanksgiving time, I am thankful to be around such a wonderful friend and partner in life.  It is good to be near Kristy.  As I was doing things around the house, each of the children came in from school and checked in with her.  Kristy was tired but alert and talked with each one of them.  It is strange and wonderful how close this is pulling our family together.   Her sister and husband and their kids are coming to spend time with our kids.  Kristy will rest and be happy knowing our kids are having time with their cousins.

The Power of Good Friends (or even kind acquaintances willing to listen)

I am feeling well again, and it is a marvelous thing.  I am so grateful to the amazing women who I have come across in the past couple days who have listened, laughed, cried and most of all just let me talk and talk and talk until I got all my stories out.  I have been blessed with amazing friends.  The temple Tuesday ladies, a sister and many sisters-in-law, neighbors, sisters from church, a fabulous primary care doctor (and MA), a mother and mother-in-law and just wonderful women I have met through my kids sports teams, book club and other activities.  This past week I have had the chance to visit with many of you, some planned visits, but mostly spontaneous encounters and you have let me talk and talk and talk and get out all my frustrations and blessings and good and bad moments, and I just need to thank you.  What a gift from a loving God who is aware of my needs and is sending women my way to lift me up and give me hope.

A few really hard days

I think I have finally felt the full effects of chemo.  Up until this past week my treatments have been hard, but pretty manageable.  Suddenly, this weekend I came up against symptoms I was not prepared for.  For some reason I got a terrible headache on Friday night that would not go away.  At first I thought it was just because I had been laying down so much and had a kink in my neck, but after being unable to rest all night Friday and feeling very uncomfortable Saturday I knew I was in trouble.  I also was having a very hard time putting thoughts together or even feeling comfortable in my skin.  This is weird to explain, but none of the normal tricks were working.  Music, a walk outside, TV and Hallmark movies were just not doing the trick.  I felt like I was watching my kids walk around me and I wasn't quite focusing in on what was going on.  After a few prayers and a lot of crying the solution came from Adam, who has spent a few hours over the past couple days gently massaging my neck and head which has allowed me to get some rest and has somehow been able to ground me in a way nothing else could.  Also, yesterday, when I was again hitting a low point, my children just gathered close and sat right next to me on the couch.  My whole body felt uncomfortable and strange, but having them close was again very grounding.  This post may not make sense to many, but I had to record the miracle I feel of having my wonderful little family around me and thank them for staying close and letting their love heal me.

Who knew jogging bald could be so refreshing!

This past week has been very long.  It took the same amount of days for me to feel better as the first treatment (6 days), but I was very impatient and kept hoping I would feel better more quickly.  But just like last time, Tuesday came and I started to feel better.  By yesterday, Wednesday, I felt great and went out for a jog.  I was running on Powerlines path, which is pretty secluded and I got so hot I took off my hat and just ran bald.  It was amazing!  I always get so hot when I exercise and being bald definitely solves that problem.  It was wonderful, but probably a little disturbing for the mothers with small children I passed.  I jog at a pretty slow pace these days so it's not like I can run by quickly and you just get a glimpse of baldness, you kind of have to see it for a while.  I turned on to Scholls Ferry which is the main road that leads to my house and I was going to put my hat back on since so many cars were passing, but then the song "Brave" by Sara Bareilles,  (Vocal Point version)   Brave by Vocal Point came on my ipod and I just kept the hat off and kept running.  I have to admit I did put my hat back on when I turned into my neighborhood  - not quite that brave yet :)

Yesterday was also very fun because I attended a workshop put on by Kaiser for Cancer patients called "Look good, Feel good."  There were about ten women there and we each got a free bag of great make-up and were taught by a couple make-up experts how to apply make up during our treatment (just the basics like helping cover sickly skin tone, adding eyebrows, using eye liner to hide the fact that we may no longer have eye lashes, etc.)

It was so fun to be there and meet other women in various stages of treatment and listen to their experiences and be able to share mine.  I realize how lucky I have been so far that my side effects have not been severe and that I have the help from so many people to make my experience so far go so smoothly.  There were three women there who had already gone through the bald phase and were growing back their hair, which was fun to see although it does seem to come back white/gray.  That will be different.  I told them about shaving my head and asked them what they did about the pain I was feeling when my little bit of hair rubbed against the pillow at night or got caught on some of my knitted hats and hurt.  The general consensus was that I needed to shave the hair off to the skin and I would like it a lot better.  So, last night Adam spent about 45 min carefully shaving my head, and it does feel so much better.

This continues to be one of the strangest things I have ever experienced.  The down days feel a lot like morning sickness, with the added discomfort of a terrible metallic taste in my mouth that makes strange things like water seem revolting.  I do not like giving myself the seven shots I need each week and told Adam I was not going to do it anymore, regardless of what the doctor said.  A couple of the women at the make-up class yesterday just laughed when I told them this and told me they told their doctors the same things and the doctors just kept giving them shots anyway.  But the little blessings like the amazing relief I feel when I am no longer sick and the gratitude I feel for so many wonderful friends and family and experiences that make my life wonderful are definitely making it doable.  I cried at Andie's soccer game the other night just because I was so happy I get the experience of watching her play, and Monday when Hunter's letter came I cried because I love watching how he has grown and how he loves the people he is teaching and the work he is doing.  The range of emotions is intense and the highs are very high which counteracts the lows.   I am so grateful to the many people of all different faiths who continue to let me know you are praying for my family and me.  Your prayers are working and I feel blessed with small little miracles every day.