I shaved my head today!

I cannot believe I got up the nerve to do it, but I just shaved my head and I am feeling a lot better about my entire hair loss situation.  Last night Andie and I gently pulled out quite a bit of hair and I thought I would just let the rest fall out naturally.  However, when I woke up this morning more hair had fallen out in the night and I had huge bald spots mixed with wisps.  Seriously the most strange and unattractive combination you can imagine.  I put a hat on, but just could not get over how terrible it looked.  Finally, I just decided it should all come off and I just got out our electric clippers and started shaving.  I am actually glad no one was here with me because it took quite a few times going back and forth to get it even and it got a lot worse before it got better.  Not to say that bald is a look I think anyone should see on me, but it just made me feel a lot better.  Plus, it was just a perk to do something that I would normally never do.

This is Adam - I love this picture and I asked Kristy if I could post it.  I am amazed how beautiful  Kristy looks.

A good day to wear "I am strong socks"

I am happy to have my "I am strong" socks to wear today, because I think today is going to be my last day with hair and it is a very unique and strange feeling.  I have not been feeling well today, but I have been able to sleep and read on the couch all day, so it hasn't been too bad.  My head has had a very tingly sensation all over and every time I reach up and pull on my hair a tuft of hair will just come right out.  Because I have just been laying here reading, it has seemed more fascinating than disturbing.  Then this afternoon I washed my hair and so much hair fell out, the scale definitely tipped to disturbing.  I don't have any bald spots yet, but it is very thin.  Peter and I made a little video of what is happening, it's just so weird I had to document it.

Chemo Round #2

Well I just finished round #2, and I am feeling pretty good.  They give me an anti-anxiety medication along with the anti-nauseous medications about 30 min before they give the chemo drugs and I would definitely say they are working.  I am just sitting here at home feeling a little tired, but other than that I feel relaxed and fine.  I am very happy to have the anti-anxiety meds today because this morning my hair started to fall out.  When I towel dried my hair this morning (which is surprisingly fun to do with short hair) there were about 20 strands in the towel when I was finished.  Before today I haven't noticed any strands.  Then when I grabbed some hair to straighten it, a little tuft of hair just came right out in my fingers.  This is a strange and somewhat fascinating thing to anticipate experiencing.  If this round is anything like last time, I expect to be taking it easy for the next three or four days, but hopefully feeling better by the weekend.

A Very Good Day

Yesterday was such a great day.  It was the first day since my chemo treatment last Tuesday that I did not need to take any medication for nauseousness.  Also, my parents were in town visiting and since I was feeling pretty good we went on a beautiful walk at Cooper Mountain Nature park, which is the first time I have exercised since chemo and it felt wonderful!  Then since I was still feeling good we went to breakfast at my new favorite place, La Provence.

We came home and there was a letter from Hunter with this shout out -

and then, to top the whole day off, Andie's high school soccer team surprised me after their game last night with a beautiful and wonderfully warm fleece blanket and card that made me smile.

Love this card from the SRHS soccer team

They even gave a blanket to Andie since she will be experiencing the cancer journey along with me.  We are again amazed at the support and love we are feeling from the whole community.

Today was another good day.  I had to go in for a blood draw accessing my port for the first time and it went very smoothly.  I love my nurse, Wendy, who said I can come to her for all port needs.  Then we stopped by Heritage Farms for the biggest most delicious honey crisp apples I have had.  I think I may become obsessed with both food and hair after this experience.  I had a pack of M&Ms today and thought I was in heaven (first chocolate since chemo).

Thanks Mom and Dad for all the pampering, love and support!  We love you :)

Some things to Love

This has been a very strange few days.  I have taken it very easy, stuck to my strict diet and medication guidelines and felt alright, if not totally myself.  I found that going to two soccer games in a row was a little too much, but it was still worth it to see Peter and Andie play.  I have found a few things that I love though, so I thought I should write them down.

I love that Kate spontaneously told me yesterday that she thinks my short hair makes me look younger

I love this note Andie left on my scriptures to remind me to not be stressed about how I look

I love all the fresh flowers that have been in our home for the past month thanks to good friends

I love walking out on my front porch everyday and seeing the wonderful decorating surprise my friends left me while I was at church

I love that my brother Steven got my whole family to dress up in pink to show their support.  I have felt so much love from both sides of our family. I am overwhelmed by their generosity and kindness.

 

I love that I am married to Adam and that I am being reminded daily of what an amazing, loving, supportive husband he is.

And lastly, I love that when this experience is over, I will be better at serving others because of the wonderful example I have had from so many of you serving me.

Chemo - Day 1

Chemo - Day 1

Today was actually a very fun but very long day.  It began with a haircut.  We had been told by our oncologist that I would start losing my hair shortly after chemo started, with all of it falling out right around my second treatment.  Therefore Adam planned a wonderful surprise and scheduled me a haircut. I was not sure about spending money on a cut that would only last for a couple weeks, but he had personally gone in and met the man who cuts my hair and made the appointment and was excited for me to have a cute haircut before it started to fall out (we have also been told that it actually hurts when it falls out, like someone is pulling your hair, and that having shorter hair makes this a little easier).  He told me about this surprise a couple weeks ago and I thought it was so nice of him to arrange it for me regardless of the cost and thought it would be a very fun way to celebrate the start of chemo.  The sad thing is I honestly do not like my haircut.  It's a great cut but I think it looks terrible on me.  I am not fishing for compliments, believe me - I just do not like it.  However, after the haircut Adam had a pedicure and manicure scheduled and it's hard to think about how much you do not like your hair when someone is giving you a foot massage and painting your nails a beautiful bright pink.  We then went to lunch at a wonderful little Japanese restaurant in Portland and everything was going great.  We checked in, they educated us for a couple hours about the terrible things that could happen with the drugs and then the pharmacist said with the chemo I am getting, hair loss is a given, but some people do not lose their hair for a few weeks.  Right after that, I made the mistake of going into the restroom and looking in the mirror at my hair.  With all the other stress that was going on my hair was the last straw.  I came out and I was so mad I had cut my hair I could not hold it in.  Our wonderful, caring nurse (Larry) was ready to start administering the first drug which he has to do by syringe, very slowly, and I chose that moment to turn to Adam and blame him that I have terrible hair.  Adam assured me that it was not bad and that he liked it, but I could not let it go.  You know how in your mind you know you should stop talking, but you just can't, well that was happening to me.  All the stress I was feeling about the horrible side effects that would possibly be starting in the next 30 minutes just came out over my hair.  It wasn't a big loud blow-up, just a few frustrated words like "if I do not go bald within the next two weeks, I am going to be so mad at you,"  and other nonsense which made Larry very uncomfortable.  I calmed down after a minute and Adam left for some fresh air and Larry quietly said, "I think your hair looks good."  That got me going again.  I actually pulled out my phone and showed him how my hair used to look.  It wasn't even that great of a picture, but suddenly my old long hair was perfect to me.  Then he's just sitting there with the drugs, probably wondering if he should start or what he should do and I told him I was fine and we could go ahead.

In all fairness to me, the stress was a little much at that point.  Basically they told me that when the first drug is administered  some people feel a burning sensation, or taste it and it makes them sick, and the second drug (which was a 30 min IV drip) could cause a sinus-like headache that would come on very suddenly and would be accompanied by severe nasal drip, a feeling of being very overheated along with heavy sweating, or severe pain in my back - all of which I should hit the "call" button for immediately so a nurse could come and stop the drug, flush out my system with saline until the symptoms went away and then try again.  Also, the pharmacist gave me seven syringes and informed me that I would be giving myself a shot every day for the next seven days to help my immune system, but that if my immune system is healthy, it would cause severe pain in my large bones and head, but I should just note it down if it happens, take some tylenol, and they will have me give myself fewer shots next time.  Halleluiah for diabetes, if I wasn't used to Andie having shots I would have been even more freaked out.

my shots for the next seven days

The good news is that none of the bad reactions happened.  I finished both treatments and felt fine.  I asked Larry if I should just go home and wait for something to happen and he said yes.  So here we are.  My kids were wonderful about my hair, it was fun telling them the whole story and two cute hats that I ordered came in the mail today.  I am wearing some wonderful "Life is Good" pajamas and eating mashed potatoes - life is good :)  I love having a husband who lets me get angry and does not take it personally and I think Larry and I could become very good friends.

The rest of my meds which will hopefully keep the side effects under control

4:30 a.m.

Well I just woke up and can't go back to sleep, so I figured this is a good time to start my blog.  I keep putting it off because I can't really get the design part figured out, but I figure that can come later.

Yesterday I had my port put in.  I was very surprised by what this actually looked like and how long it took to have the procedure done.  Basically they put a piece of plastic with a rubbery top right inside my skin and they will put the needle through my skin every time they need to take blood or give chemo.  I was thinking the port was going to eliminate the need to put a needle through my skin, but I guess not.

Here is a picture of what it looks like.  It is about 1/2 an inch long and I think it is plastic.  The top circle is rubbery and has three little raised knobs which can be felt through my skin and give the nurse a guide know where to put the needle. A tube is attached to the port which has been threaded right into my vein.  Because they are starting chemo today they put the needle inside and left it there covered with tape and gauze so I am ready to go.  Here is a picture of the current set up.

Sleeping with this set up is a little strange which is why I am awake at 4:30 a.m.  I feel a little nervous about today, but I am definitely ready to get started.  It will feel better to see how I react to chemo and figure out how to take care of it, rather than just keep reading or hearing about all the possible side effects and wonder which ones I will have.