Thanks for Remembering Me!

I have to sneak a selfie of myself in the treatment room to document what number chemo treatment I am on - so funny angle, but does show we are making progress!  Only 65 days to go until I am done with chemo (9 treatments left)

I came home from my treatment last night to a wonderful meal prepared by a former neighbor.  After dinner a friend and her daughter stopped by to drop off beautiful and delicious sweet bread twists, and then when we got the mail there was a letter that included a hand written picture or note from each member of an amazing family that we love here in Beaverton, and a gift from a couple in Utah who know my parents and had just heard about me.  There is no way I can share all the things people have done for me and my family, so I was not even going to try because I didn't want anyone to feel left out of the thanks, but I am so overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness that keeps coming our way.  The consistency and longevity of the thoughtful gestures have made me feel so loved and remembered and I just had to say thanks.

I can so clearly remember the day I was diagnosed with cancer.  I was sitting on my bed and I was supposed to wait for the phone call telling me the results of the biopsy, but I just couldn't wait and called the oncology office.  The breast cancer navigator got on the phone and told me the news.  I remember looking up at the ceiling a saying in a silent prayer to my Heavenly Father, "Will you stay with me?"  Right then I received a very peaceful feeling, but I had no idea what "staying with me" would look like.  I now know that Heavenly Father is "staying with me" through my wonderful friends, neighbors, and family.  The fact that through this busy season you have not forgotten me and that on almost every letter, the words, "we are praying for you," appear is such a gift to me.  The past couple weeks as I have gone in for my Taxol treatment, Larry (the nurse) asks what my side effects have been that week.  I just keep telling him that I am not experiencing any side effects besides a little extra tiredness and shortness of breath.  I do not take this for granted.  I take this as a gift that is coming because of the prayers in my behalf from so many people.  Sunday, I saw a little video about the gift of Christmas that I would just like to share.  I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and receives the intangible gifts that bring joy.

He is the Gift - a short Christmas message of hope and joy :)

First Taxol Treatment Went Well!

The Saturday before my treatment I got up on the roof and put up our Christmas lights.  I felt like I was showing cancer who was boss as I was doing it.  I am not sure who I feel the character of cancer is that I was taunting in my mind while I was up on the roof, but I had a true feeling of victory while I was up there.

Tuesday, (Dec 9) was my first of twelve weekly taxol treatments.  I was pretty nervous about them because I just did not know what to expect.  Last Wednesday we had a wonderful Christmas dinner and program for the ladies in our church and the songs and thoughts people shared calmed me a little but I was still surprised how much stress I was feeling about the new treatment.  Sunday I woke up early and couldn't sleep, so I looked at the original sources a couple of the ladies had used for their thoughts.   Both spoke on the gifts offered by the Savior and how they are available to us if we just accept them.  Feelings of peace, calm, and comfort were some of the gifts mentioned and reading both talks really calmed me down.  Both of these talks were originally given by the same person and have great thoughts on Christmas and how to really enjoy the season, more than on how to handle cancer treatments so I am including the links below for anyone who needs a little quiet reminder of what the season should be all about :)

 Of Curtains, Contentment, and Christmas
The Good and Grateful Receiver

Anyway, although I felt more calm, I was still surprised at the physical reaction I had as I drove into the medical center parking lot.  I started to feel a little nauseous just parking and walking in.  We had Larry as our nurse again, which was very nice.  He is just such a calm person and remembered us from our first treatment (which could be good or bad).  Because it was a new drug we had to listen to all the possible side effects and problems that could occur, but with this drug it seems like most of the problems would occur during the administration of the drug, with very little happening once we got home.  Larry explained that I am receiving four rounds of taxol, but they have split it up into twelve treatments so each time I only receive a third of the drug and this greatly reduces the side effects.

In order to see how my body would react to the administration of the drug, they slowed it down and gave what is usually an hour long drip, in just under two hours.  They also checked my blood pressure every 15 minutes and made sure I wasn't having any chest pain, severe and sudden onset back aches, a sudden flushed face or any pain or strange sensations near my port.  Luckily none of these things occurred and we came home.  I was tired more from the stress of the day than from the drugs and just went to bed.  Yesterday I woke up and felt great.  I am not nauseous at all!  I even had some chocolate chips for breakfast just to test out how well I was feeling, and nothing happened :)

They did say that after a few weeks of the treatment I could experience a tingling sensation at my fingertips and in my toes that could progressively get worse and cause temporary nerve damage and I could also start to have deep muscle and bone aches, so that's still something to look forward to.  But, they also reassured me that this does not happen to everyone and I could be just fine.   I asked if exercise would make these things worse and Larry said it wouldn't hurt anything and could make it better, so I did yoga yesterday and jogged on the treadmill and tried to go running today which turned more into a walk because I am a little tired from yesterday, but I just feel I have to keep it up to keep the muscle pain away and the nerves intact.  Overall I just feel so happy to feel well and drink water again and not have the metal taste in my mouth that I don't think I will mind spending a few hours each week at the clinic and hopefully the "anticipation nausea" (that's what Larry called my reaction to the clinic) will go away.