A few really hard days

I think I have finally felt the full effects of chemo.  Up until this past week my treatments have been hard, but pretty manageable.  Suddenly, this weekend I came up against symptoms I was not prepared for.  For some reason I got a terrible headache on Friday night that would not go away.  At first I thought it was just because I had been laying down so much and had a kink in my neck, but after being unable to rest all night Friday and feeling very uncomfortable Saturday I knew I was in trouble.  I also was having a very hard time putting thoughts together or even feeling comfortable in my skin.  This is weird to explain, but none of the normal tricks were working.  Music, a walk outside, TV and Hallmark movies were just not doing the trick.  I felt like I was watching my kids walk around me and I wasn't quite focusing in on what was going on.  After a few prayers and a lot of crying the solution came from Adam, who has spent a few hours over the past couple days gently massaging my neck and head which has allowed me to get some rest and has somehow been able to ground me in a way nothing else could.  Also, yesterday, when I was again hitting a low point, my children just gathered close and sat right next to me on the couch.  My whole body felt uncomfortable and strange, but having them close was again very grounding.  This post may not make sense to many, but I had to record the miracle I feel of having my wonderful little family around me and thank them for staying close and letting their love heal me.